All families have to work at peaceful coexistence. So,
practitioners offer the following advice to stepparents who want to increase
family harmony.
1. PROVIDE NEUTRAL TERRITORY.
Most people have a strong sense of territoriality.
Stepchildren may have an especially strong sense of ownership because some of
their privacy may be invaded. If it is impossible to move to a new house where
each child has a bedroom, provide a special, inviolate place that belongs to
each child individually.
2. DO NOT TRY TO FIT A PRECONCEIVED ROLE.
Be honest right from the start. Each parent has faults,
peculiarities, and emotions, and the children will have to get used to these
weaknesses. Children detect phoniness and will lose respect for any adult who
is insincere or too willing to please.
One of the most difficult issues is discipline. Parents
should work out the rules in advance and support each other in enforcing the
rules. Rules can change as the children grow, but there should be in agreement in
the beginning on such issues as mealtimes, bedtimes, resolving disagreements,
and household responsibilities.
4. ALLOW AN OUTLET FOR THE CHILDREN'S FEELINGS FOR THE BIOLOGICAL
PARENT.
The stepparent should not feel rejected if a child wants to
maintain a relationship with a noncustodial biological parent. Children's
affections for their biological parents should be supported so that the
children do not feel disloyal.
5. EXPECT AMBIVALENCE.
Children's feelings can fluctuate between love and hate,
sometimes within a few hours.
6. AVOID MEALTIME MISERY.
7. DO NOT EXPECT INSTANT LOVE.
It takes time for emotional bonds to be forged sometimes
this never occurs. Most children under 3 years of age adapt with relative ease.
Children over age 5 may have difficulty. Some children are initially excited at
having a "new" mother or father but later find that the words "I
hate you" are potent weapons.
8. DO NOT ACCEPT ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES; THE CHILD HAS
SOME, TOO.
9. BE PATIENT
Remember "Things take time." The first few months,
and often years, are difficult. The support and encouragement of other parents
who have had similar experiences can be invaluable.
10. MAINTAIN THE PRIMACY OF THE MARITAL RELATIONSHIP.
The couple must remember that the marital relationship is
primary in the family. The children need to see that the parents get along
together, can settle disputes, and most of all, will not be divided by the
children. (Sources:Marriage&Families) (bobbeethehater.blogspot.com)
