1. Children need to be and cannot be happy all the time.This is a corollary of the broader dictum, "NO HUMAN BEING WILL BE HAPPY ALL OF THE TIME." Somewhere along the line, we picked up the idea that our children must be happy every moment of every day. We don't want our children to cry-we are uncomfortable when our children cry-because if they cry that will mean they are unhappy. That in turn will mean that we as parents are failing then somehow and that they will grow up to be miserable wretches who will HATE us and not care for us in our old age.
2. Children need not to get their way all the time.
Allowing children to get their way all the time does not empower them.
On the contrary, it renders them vulnerable to breakdown when they are faced with the exigencies of the real world where no one gets his or her ways all the time and everyone must compromise.
3. Parents must nuture their own relationships.
It is the Foundation (with a capital F) of the family structure. It's good for children to see parents going out together, traveling together, buying gifts for each other; and showing that they care for one another. 
It's also good for children to know that their parents can argue, even be unkind to each other, and get over it. Children will learn forgiveness and commitment to relationships by observing these ideals in their parents' lives.
4. Manners and social graces count for children too.
It is not for the world to accommodate to the idosyncrasises of our children. In a society that is civil and functional, each member must accommodate to the needs of the community. This does not mean sacrificing individuality, it means that we argue to act in civil ways with each other and not demand everything we want exactly when we want it. Spoiled children may be happy in the eyes of their parents, but the inability to accomodate to the needs of others is another one of those time bombs that will explode when the child hits the real world.
CHILDREN AND PARENTS
5. Parents must treat their own parents with love and respect.
How sad it is to have to say this, but all too often children grow in a family where grandparents are seen as problems or burdens. To this I can only say one thing: From the way you treat your aging parents, your children will learn how to treat their aging parents.
Treat your parents (and elderly folks in general) in exactly the same way you want to be treated, because that is what is going to happen. Want to live in a home? Want to be visited once a week for an hour? Want to be talked about behind your back, to be ridiculed? You can make it happen?
6. Children cannot tell the difference between "quality time with parents" and "time with parents."
The concept of quality time seems to have been invented as a justification for guiltlessly minimizing parental contact and responsibility. Any parents who have discussed with their grown children the special things that children remember from childhood know that rarely will the children mention the things that the parents felt were "quality time."
CHILDREN AND OTHER PEOPLE
7. No two children ever have the same parents, even in the same family.
The parents of a firstborn child are completely new at child parenting, and they behave accordingly. The parents of a second child have already had some experience in child-rearing, and they will behave accordingly. The picture changes slightly with each addition of another child to the family mix.
8. The most important figures, besides parents, in a child's life are his or her teachers.
Not the tennis pro, not the soccer coach, not the best friend next door. The teachers! Whatever happened to teachers like dear old Mrs.Grundy? Why are there fewer and fewer really old and deeply experienced teachers in our schools? Because many of the best of them have found that it is not worth the hassle of being seen as the enemy by so many for so little compensation.
If you really want to know what kind of a child you have, ask his or her teachers from the current and previous school year. 
Ask the teachers to be honest with you. Whatever these teachers are in strong agreement, you can attribute the characteristics to the child. Where they are in strong disagreement, you can assume that the characteristics they describe are a result of your child's interaction with that particular teacher. Learn from this. A teacher observes your child 180 days a year for six to seven hours a day, in all sorts of situations and under all sorts of conditions.
Is there anyone else besides a parent who has that kind of opportunity to get to know your child? Not the pediatrician. Not the psychologist. Not the social worker. We must listen to the teachers.
CHILDREN AND SELF-ESTEEM
9.Failure does not destroy self-esteem.
Failure is a signal that a person has not yet mastered the level in which he or she is currently operating. When children fail, they need to stick with the the level they are working on, master it, pack away the well-earned self esteem, and only then look toward something harder. 
Remember, children are not dumb. They know when they are not doing something well, especially when they can see other kids their ages succeeding at the task.
CHILDREN AND THEIR NEEDS
10. Children love rituals.
They like to do the same things at the same places at the same times of year.
Rituals help to define the unique qualities of your families and lives. Giving Dad the same pair of socks every year on his birthday may seem silly, but it is a memory that the family holds on to.
Rituals impart stability and predictability to an otherwise (and normally) unpredictable world. Family rituals-food eaten on holidays, certain outfits worn for special occassions, songs sung together year after year-help children to feel secure. Don't just depend on cultural or religious rituals; invent some that belong to you and your family.
11. Children need family mealtimes.
Eat together several times a week. No, this doesn't mean eat meals together at a fast food restaurant. This means sitting together at a table in the warmth and security of a home, eating food that someone in the house worked to prepare. 
12. Children need memories, and parents are the makers of memories.
Think about the sorts of things you want your children to have in their memory banks and develop experiences that will fill those banks up. Do you want them to have memories of making cookies with you? Make cookies with them! Do you want them to remember your reading poetry to them? Do you want them to remember doing charitable things? It seems to me that it is not just the doing of things that helps to shape good people-it is remembering of doing those things. A child who has such things in his or her memory is a better person.
Marshall P.Duke is currently Charles Howard Candler, Professor of Psychology at Emory University. During his three decades at Emory, he has served as director of the University Counseling Center and chair of the Department of Psychology and has won numerous teaching awards.
