1. Every child counts. Every child comes into the world with a right to dignity and respect. In our interactions with our children, the children of others, and with each other, we must never lose sight of the truth. No child is more important than any other, and no child deserves less respect or dignity than any other. Every child is equally valuable.
2. Every moment counts.
There are no irrelevant encounters with children. The way we say a groggy "good morning" to our children matters as much in the long run as the life lessons we teach in our most coherent and profound conversations. Children often care about moments we may consider to be trivial as much or more than they care about contrived formal encounters we see as significant. As parents or teachers we try to construct experiences that will lead, in our fondest dreams, to wonderful memories for our children. The truth is, however, that for most children, the daily interactions are much more important and memorable than the once-in-a lifetime trips, events, or experiences we think matter so much. Children remember far more the conversations around the dinner table, the laughter and smiles of the impromptu moments together, than those "important" times that seemed so meaningful to us as they unfolded.
3. Children learn by example
The old saw, "Do as I say; not as I do," is tragically flawed. What we do is of utmost importance to our children. What we say matters as well, but what we do will shape the lives of those who stand by watching and learning.
4. There is nothing more important than love.
Utlimately, things do matter to children. Love does. Things are of this world and therefore fleeting. Love is spiritual and therefore permanent. We must not teach our children to love things and use people. We must teach them to love people and use things. And our love for our children must be unconditional.
5. Listen more than you talk.
Instead of assuming that our children need to hear us talking more-telling them, lecturing them-we need to listen. Our children need to know that they can always come to us and find us there, ready to hear them, truly hear them. Children need to know that sometimes we will listen without interrupting and without judging.
6. Hugs and kisses mean more than words.
Children are never too old to be hugged and kissed, even if they say they are. Somestimes our affection may embarrass our children for the moment, but the lasting message of the hug is far more important.
7. Encourage children to play, to laugh, to smile, to dance, to sing, to cry.
7. Encourage children to play, to laugh, to smile, to dance, to sing, to cry.
And play, laugh, smile, dance, sing, and cry with them. At no time in our lives are we more uninhibited than when we are children. Let your children remind you how to express emotion, how to express emotion, how to express joy, sorrow, and love.
James M.Bennett was born in Boston and received a BA from Indiana University and an M.A.H.L. from the Hebrew Union College, Jewish Institute of Religion.
