BOBBEE BEE:SHOW ME HOW TO LOVE?

by Jessica Press

When Amy Werner became pregnant, she thought her fairy tale was about to begin. "My husband and I had been best friends fo 11 years-I couldn't wait to be parents, "she says. Cut to five months after the birth of her child, that grueling time before infants fall into a sane schedule:" I thought I was going to kill my amazing husband! I felt a level of resentment I'd never felt before about the fact that my life had changed completely, while his seemed to go on like always."

As confused as Werner may have felt, she's hardly alone, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great, "I hear this all the time, she notes. "It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your relationship. It just means you're trying to do too much." Another reason for tension: Post-baby, a couple's lifestyle-how much they sleep, how they structure their day -changes drastically, says Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.; author of A Guide for Couples. Add in anixety-triggering pressure to feel positive about parenthood (not to mention sleep deprivation, fluctuating hormones, and reduction in exercise) and it's no wonder you're likely to be seething at each other.
Still, the most important thing you can do for your kids is to work on your relationship. Unfortunately, simply having a date night (that frequently touted, one-size-fits-all solution for all relationship woes) probably won't do the trick. "It can't hurt, but it won't 'fix" things. either," says Dr. Hendrix. What will? Try this advice.

Get a sitter-stat.

You know how it is during the first months after giving birth: There are days when just showering is a big accomplishment. "I felt so unproductive all the time." admits Carrie Turkovich, of Buffalo. "I went from having a a career to doing laundry and washing the dishes-and on days when I couldn't finish that. I projected so much frustration on my husband." Still, she says, she didn't feel entitled to any assistance to free up some of her time: My new job was being a mom, and I felt like I should've been able to handle it on my own."

But putting that kind of pressure on yourself isn't healthy, says New York City marriage therapist Rachel A.Sussman. As hard as it may be to feel justified in leaving our kid with a sitter or at day care, if you're willing to enlist help now and then, you're more likely to feel good and less likely to resent your partner. "Kids grow up healthier when they see their parents being happy and loving each other," Sussman explains. Turkovich's despair led her to that very realization: "Devoting everything to mothering made me start to lose my sense of individuality and my confidence and ability to contribute anything to my relationship. So now, she takes advantage of the local preschool and nearby relatives to get some downtime. "I realized that you can't be a good mom, or have a good relationship, if you give up everything that makes you feel good."


Sneak in some bonding sessions.
The key to relationship satisfaction. Spend quality time with your partner every day, says M.Gary Neuman, author of Connect to Love: The Keys to Transformating Your Relationship. Just ten minutes can make a difference- as long as they're uninterrupted -so there's real payoff to making the most of even those short blocks of time when your child is chilling in his bouncy seat or has finally asleep.
Yes, it tempting to try to use those stretches to attack your to-do list, but you'll feel a greater benefit from taking a few moments to cuddle on the couch with your partner and share your interests and goals.


Take a step back.
"Let dads be dads," says Joshua Coleman, Ph.D, psychologist and author of The Lazy Husband:How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework.
"When men help with housework and child care, women are happier with their relationship." Dr. Obuch points out. "It doesn't have to be a fifty fifty division of labor; if you think it's a fair contribution, that's what matters." Plus, men have a different way of communicating and handling things, a perspective that kids should have.
Buddy up
As stressful as it may feel to leave the house, the relationship will thank you for seeking out a book club, a yoga class, or a new-mom's group. "Mom need understanding, and your partner likely won't satisfy your every need for conversations about parenthood." Having that outlet doesn't just alleviate pressure on your relationship-it creates a chemical change in your brain, Dr.Hendrix explains. "The cortisol level that's been elevated by your frustraton will begin to relax because you're feeling listened to."
Ask for ( and give) plenty of praise.
Studies have proven that gratitude leads to better mental health," Neuman points out. "And moms more than anyone need to feel appreciated." Moms need for you to tell them what great moms they are...."
Also (new moms) must recognize that men often convey affection through action (like putting gas in your car, or shoveling the snow); you don't want to miss how your partner is showing his appreciation, Dr. Orbuch says. Still don't feel the love? You might try complimenting your husband more, which should inspire him to do the same for you.
Finally, don't forget to compliment yourselves as a couple. According to Sussman, this just may be the simplest, most powerful thing you can do for your relationship. Congratulate yourselves for investing physically and emotionally like you never have before in these exilarating, exhausting roles. You might turn to your husband while flipping through baby pics on your iPhone, and say "For two people who had no idea what they were really getting into, wer're doing a great job." Because as parents, we're good at being our children's cheerleaders-but we need to cheer for ourselves too. <>

BOBBEE BEE: THE KING-OBAMA COMPARISON

by Eric D.Graham

NORTH CAROLINA (BASN) -- America needed President Barack Obama.
And still needs him. His election was supposed to unite a divided nation. His unique background…., life.., story, and education, was suppose to be celebrated; not hated.

He was the perfect candidate, at the perfect time in history. He wasn't Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Dick Gregory, Cynthia McKinney, Shirley Chisholm or Allen Keys.

He was Barack Hussein Obama. He was a fresh new face in an old world of politics. He was good-looking, intelligent, and well-spoken. His words and speeches were supposed to inspire and energize a new generation of young people.
And they have.

His election was supposed to give Black people hope in an American government, who historically had enslaved them, beaten them, lynched them, raped them, persecuted them, killed them, terrorized them,imprisoned them, discriminated them, hated them, and denied them… decent housing, proper education, the right to vote, and access to public facilities.
But he was supposed to be more than the President of Black America; he was supposed to be the President of the United States of America.


And he has been..... just that.

As a result, his wife, the would-be future First Lady Michelle Obama was correct during a campaign rally in Milwaukee when she said, "for the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country because it feels like hope is finally making a comeback."

Why? Because the election of her husband was supposed to improve America's relationship with the entire Muslim world which had been damaged by the previous Bush Administration.

His election, in fact, was supposed to improve America's public relation with the rest of the world and remove the Axis of Evil label which had been placed upon it.

Yes. The election of President Obama was supposed to erase 412 years of American Imperialism. This is what they thought. This is what they planned. But America was not quite ready for President Obama. They couldn't get pass the color of his skin. They couldn't get pass his "African” name.

As a result, America has become more racists, more violent, more materialistic, more xenophobic, more conservative, more imperialistic and more hateful.

Now they are burning Korans, attacking Muslims, arresting Mexicans illegally, and assassinating governmental officials.....But in the world of Obama, things like this were not supposed to happen.

The election of President Obama or the election of the first Black President, was suppose to be something magical, where with the wave of a magic wand - racism would come to an end, sexism would come to an end, classism would come to an end, world hunger would no longer exist, war would disappear, unemployment lines would decrease, gas prices would drop to 0.99 cents a gallon, graduation rates would increase, the NCAA would implement a college football playoff system, and everybody would be given a brand new car by Oprah Winfrey.

But this was not the Oprah Winfrey show, this was, and still is America, the greatest country in the world, which was founded on the slaughter of the Native Americans, the enslavement of Africans and the exploitation of the poor.

And the election of one Black man and a few crying voters could not and would not change its racist, violent, and exploitative past.

But the people still believed President Obama. They believed in the CHANGE that he spoke of.....For this reason, many people even felt Obama was the completion of Martin Luther King's dream.
But the Obama-King comparison was inadequate.


It made a great tee-shirt to be sold on the streets of Harlem but it was like comparing apples with oranges.

Martin-Luther King was a preacher. Obama is a politician.
They were direct opposites. Plus, their agendas were totally different.
King wanted to win souls. Obama wanted to win an election.
King wanted to change the people's hearts. Obama want to change the people's vote. King earned a Nobel Peace Prize. But Obama was given one.
With that analogy, King might have even predicted the coming of President Obama when he said,"“Although genuinely popular [Negro] leaders are now emerging, most are selected by white leadership, elevated to position, supplied with resources and inevitably subjected to white control.”

Yes. These were the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Therefore, the election of a black president was not and could not have been what Martin Luther King Jr. saw on the mountain top. Dr. King, in fact, said later that his dream had become a nightmare in a speech delivered in Atlanta, Georgia in 1967.

"In 1963...in Washington, D.C.,...I tried to talk to the nation about a dream that I had had, and I must confess...that not long after talking about that dream I started seeing it turn into a nightmare...just a few weeks after I had talked about it. It was when four beautiful...Negro girls were murdered in a church in Birmingham, Alabama. I watched that dream turn into a nightmare as I moved through the ghettos of the nation and saw black brothers and sisters perishing on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity, and saw the nation doing nothing to grapple with the Negroes' problem of poverty. I saw that dream turn into a nightmare as I watched my black brothers and sisters in the midst of anger and understandable outrage, in the midst of their hurt, in the midst of their disappointment, turn to misguided riots to try to solve that problem. I saw the dream turn into a nightmare as I watched the war in Vietnam escalating....Yes, I am personally the victim of deferred dreams, of blasted hopes."


Yes. Martin Luther King Jr. said he saw his dream become a nightmare.
Yes. King said that he personally was "the victim of deferred dreams, and of blasted hopes."

Oddly, it seemed as if history has repeated itself because the Hope that President Obama promised during his presidential campaign has also been blasted.

But it's not his fault, we can't blame him. Because, as much as President Obama might want to change America, he is simply a "pawn in the political chess game of politics."

Why? Because America does not want to change.

This is why you have seen the Tea Party suddenly rise up. White Nationalism rise up. Sarah Palin rise up. Conservative right-wing talk shows rise up and spread their toxic rhetoric. And that's why you hear slogans like "We want our country back." As a result, we pray for President Obama's protection, we pray for his family, and we pray that our ancestors give him divine wisdom to govern this great nation in the right direction despite all of the death threats and opposition coming from the right, the left, and the center.
So as the country celebrates the legacy of MLK this Monday, I suggest President Obama ponder the wise words of Dr.King.

"Don't let anybody make you think God chose America as his divine messianic force to be a sort of policeman of the whole world. God has a way of standing before the nations with justice and it seems I can hear God saying to America "you are too arrogant, and if you don't change your ways, I will rise up and break the backbone of your power, and I will place it in the hands of a nation that doesn't even know my name. Be still and know that I'm God. Men will beat their swords into plow shafts and their spears into pruning hooks, and nations shall not rise up against nations, neither shall they study war anymore.”."I don't know about you, I ain't going to study war anymore